Never Stopped Dreaming
by GirlX2
Summary: When the savior of Underland falls ill, drastic measures are taken to get the best help possible.  Yet even our favorite misanthropic doctor and his best friend might not be a match for this case.
1. Chapter 1

Never Stopped Dreaming

Chapter One

By GirlX2

OOoooOOOoooOOO

The young blond woman smiled serenely at the older man as he snipped furiously at a piece of felt. Once finished snipping, he began sewing rapidly. His green eyes never lifted from his work.

"You'll see, it'll be just the thing."

"Hatter, I know it'll be lovely. Your hats are all lovely." Alice murmured, and tried to raise herself from the pillowed bed. She managed for a moment, but her trembling arms soon gave way. The Hatter looked up at the slight noise her actions produced.

"Please don't. You need to rest."

"I've done nothing but rest for the last week. I believe any more bed rest may make me mad."

"All the best people are." The Hatter smiled crookedly.

Alice watched him work for a few moments. "I'm not getting better, am I?"

The Hatter put the half-finished cap down and turned towards his friend, the crooked smile dropping away.

"I'm…I'm afraid not. The Queen has tried so hard to find a potion for you, she's worked very hard, done nothing but work in fact, and it's getting to her, and-" His voice became very fast and strained.

"Hatter!"

"…I'm fine." He choked out after a moment.

"Yes, I can see that." Alice's eyes slid towards the brilliant sky outside her window. "Perhaps…perhaps I should go back."

"To Overland?"

"To see a doctor. Maybe a doctor from above could cure me." Alice said gently. Hatter had been so happy since she'd returned from the place they deemed Overland.

In truth, they both had been.

"You're too ill to make the journey. No, no. If you need an Overland doctor we'll simply bring one here." Hatter clasped his hands together. "The very best. Only the best for the savior of Underland!"

"And how do you propose we bring this wonderful doctor here?"

"I shall retrieve him." Hatter declared. "I've a lovely traveling hat, it'll be just the thing."

"Hatter, no. You don't know Overland-you have no idea how things are there. Things have changed since I've been away. " Alice's voice grew cold. "No one must journey there-not even the white rabbit. It would be too dangerous."

The Hatter's zeal died instantly. "Then we will bring him here in the more traditional way."

Alice frowned. "I don't like the idea of uprooting some poor man who has no idea of this place simply to help me."

Hatter grinned widely at her. "I'll see that he's treated with the utmost care and consideration."

Then he was off in a flurry of fabric and ribbons.

OOoooOOOoooOOO

"Wilson!"

The oncologist sighed and opened the door he'd just unlocked. Standing in the middle of their living room, House was glaring into a huge mirror as if it had personally offended him.

"What is this?" The crippled man demanded.

"It's a mirror, otherwise know as a reflector or looking glass." Wilson shed his coat and loosened his tie. House had been home from work for hours. Wilson wondered if he'd been inspecting the mirror the entire time.

"Funny. Why is it here?"

"It's for decoration. You wanted me to inject some more personal statements into the apartment, and I did."

"Then put it in your room. I don't want to watch myself as I'm working off the day's stress." House waved a DVD with a young woman flashing herself on the cover.

"First: ew. Second, just don't look. That thing is too huge from my bedroom, and the wall was blank." Wilson replied.

House rolled his eyes and tossed the DVD onto the table. "Where did you find this thing anyway? Pottery barn?"

"I got it from an antique shop."

"So it's a glorified pottery barn reject."

Wilson joined House at the mirror. House scrutinized the image of the two of them standing side by side for a moment.

"Waiting for something to happen?" Wilson asked after a moment.

"Just seeing if you look as ugly in reverse."

Wilson studied the mirror. It was rather large; easily five feet on all sides, and hung a few feet off the floor, it reached well over their heads. But it made the condo look larger, and the silver-colored frame was pretty. It'd been relatively cheap too, a real bargain, actually.

"It's staying, House."

"Fine." House leaned close to the mirror, inspecting it's surface. "There's a crack, though."

"What?" Wilson leaned in, scanning the surface for flaws. "I don't see-"

The ground shifted under his feet, and the oncologist pitched forwards. He threw his hands up to brace against the glass, wincing in anticipation. To Wilson's amazement, he seemed to keep falling-he was falling much further than he should have. He found his hands braced on the apartment's floor rather than the silver surface.

"What…?"

"Wilson!"

Wilson glanced up at House's cry. He found himself staring at the other side of the apartment.

Wilson frowned. Had he gotten turned around somehow? "How did-"

"Wilson!" House shouted again, sounding frantic.

Wilson got to his feet, dizzily disoriented.

"House, please, I don't feel well." He murmured and lifted his eyes. The mirror was somehow now behind him.

Only now, House stared out of it, gaping at him.

"House?" Wilson passed a hand over his face for a moment. The image didn't vanish. House was on the _other side _of the mirror. Wilson didn't even see his reflection.

"Wilson-don't move." House slowly lifted his cane.

"How-how are you doing that?" Wilson spun around, sure House would be behind him. But the only thing he confronted was an empty apartment.

"Wilson, turn around."

He turned back towards the mirror, noting the strange state of the apartment. Everything looked _wrong_. Things were on the wrong side of the apartment. The angles even seemed incorrect. It was all skewed and off kilter. The apartment through the glass seemed to reflect the world he knew: everything was in its proper place, anyway.

"I'm having a stroke." Wilson shut his eyes. "Or an aneurysm. Something."

"No you're not. I am."

House's cane was poking through the mirror. Not as if it had shattered the glass and was going the empty frame, but going through the mirror. It was going straight through the glass.

Wilson touched it. The worn wood was reassuringly real against his fingers.

"What's happening?"

"I have no idea." House replied, stepping though the glass. The surface rippled slightly as he passed though it. Wilson stepped backwards and stumbled over the ottoman that should have been on the left of him.

"Did you slip me something?" He managed as House began inspecting the apartment.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I must be dreaming." Wilson shut his eyes tightly. "In a few minutes I'll wake up."

"Well until that happens, why don't we try climbing back-"

*BONK!*

"Ow!"

Wilson opened his eyes to the sight of House rubbing his forehead in pain. A small smudge on the surface of the mirror told Wilson what had happened.

He braced a hand on the glass. It was solid again. Their reflections still weren't reflecting. Their apartment (the normal one anyway) lay unreachable beyond the glass.

"We're trapped in here!"

"Yeah, I figured that out already." House snapped, and turned toward the front door of the skewed apartment. "Seems we've only got one other option."

"What? No way. We have no idea what's out there." Wilson put his hands on his hips. "It could be dangerous."

"Well, either we check it out or we stay in here forever." House replied. "And I'd like to try and figure this out before resigning myself to spend the rest of my life in here."

Wilson dropped his hands to his sides. House was right. "Okay. But we're going to be cautious, all right?"

"Sure thing, Mom." House swung the door open and limped through. Wilson hurried after him, and failed to note the telling *click* as the door swung shut behind him.

OOoooOOOoooOOO

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Never Stopped Dreaming

Chapter Tw0

By GirlX2

OOoooOOOoooOOO

The room they entered into was a dark wood paneled octagon. Doors and curtains adorned it, along with a plain glass table. Wilson tried the door nearest to him and found it locked. A short series of trials later reveled that all of the doors were locked, including the one to their apartment.

"The keys were in my coat: I left it at home!" Wilson tried to twist the uncooperative knob.

"I don't have mine either." House said. "So that's out."

"That and every other door. How are we supposed to get out of here?"

"Well," House stepped forward and picked something up off the table "We could try this."

He held a small golden key aloft.

"I didn't see that before." Wilson frowned.

"Neither did I." House said. He stuck the key into their apartments' door and tried lock. No luck.

"This doesn't fit any of the doors, it's too small." Wilson said after another few tries. Annoyed, he shoved one of the velvet curtains aside, wondering if something was behind it.

Indeed, there was.

"House, look."

A small door, perhaps thirty inches high, lay at their feet.

"Think the key will fit in that?"

"I almost hope it won't. It's not like we can get through the door." Wilson bent down and tried the key. Somewhat to his dismay, the door swung open.

Sunlight shone through the tiny doorway. Getting onto his knees, Wilson peered through. A beautiful garden with Technicolor flowers lay before his eyes. There was small stone staircase leading down from the doorway and going deep into the flowerbed, out of Wilson's sight. Butterflies darted between the colorful plants. He could see nothing or no one else.

"It's a garden." He informed House, who was trying to peek around him. "No one's out there, though."

"Move, I want to see." House said impatiently.

Wilson got up, allowing the Diagnostician a better view. "This makes no sense. Why build a door that small? It might be a pet door, I guess, but why have a knob?"

"I don't know. Maybe…" House turned back to Wilson and trailed off.

"What?"

"Look at the table, Wilson."

Wilson looked. Laying on the table was a large green glass bottle with a cork stopper.

"Okay, there is no way we missed _that _before." Wilson set the key onto the table and picked up the bottle. A small tag fluttered at the neck.

"Well?"

"It says 'Drink me'." Wilson inspected the scrap.

"That's it?"

"See for yourself." Wilson tossed him the bottle. House caught it and glanced at the tag.

"Hrm. It does say that. Well, bottoms up."

To Wilson's amazement, House took a swig.

"House, don't! We don't know what's in that." Wilson hurried back and snatched the bottle out of his hands. "It could be poison!"

"Don't be so dramatic. It tastes fine." House licked his lips. "It tastes like cherry cordial, actually."

"Really?" Wilson eyed the bottle curiously.

"Try some. If it _is _poison you can feel free to tease me in the afterlife."

Wilson sighed, but took a pull from the bottle. The taste of lemon flowed over his tongue.

"Tastes like lemon tart to me."

"Weird." House remarked.

"Yeah. If only that was the only weird thing about this." Wilson sighed. At least they wouldn't die of dehydration, assuming this drink contained some water. The bottle was relatively full, too. Wilson was contemplating taking another sip to try and sort out the taste when House let out a gasp.

"House?"

"Do-do you feel okay?" House braced a hand on the glass table top. He'd suddenly gone very pale

"Yes-why?" Wilson asked, alarmed.

"I feel…odd."

No sooner than this was spoken, the source of the odd feeling became apparent. House wobbled for a moment, and Wilson was sure he was about to pass out. He seemed to do just that-his eyes shut and he began to collapse onto the floor. His cane fell away from limp fingers. Wilson reached out to stop the fall, but instead of catching House, the diagnostician seemed to zip through his fingertips. Wilson watched with mounting horror as his friend shrank into his own clothing.

"House?" Wilson's mouth went dry. House had just-but that was impossible! People couldn't shrink, it violated the laws of physics!

Wilson bent over the spot where House's clothes made a heap. A smallish lump was in the center of the garments, but-

But suddenly the lump didn't seem nearly as small.

"What the hell?" Wilson watched as the tabletop seemed to rush up at him, then shoot towards the ceiling. The sight blanked out into whiteness a moment later-a whiteness supplied by his own shirt, the Oncologist realized, now totally terrified.

"Oh my God!"

"Wilson?" He could hear House shuffling around in his pile of clothes. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright! I-you-we _shrunk_!"

Panicking now, Wilson battered the cloth aside frantically, and found himself staring out of the neck of his shirt. House was also working himself free, albeit a little slower, from his tangled tee-shirt and jeans. The lack of cane was hindering him. Wordlessly, Wilson hurried over, trying to ignore the fact that they were both naked. House let the younger man help him up and out of the garments.

"I guess you were right about that drink."

OOoooOOOoooOOO

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Never Stopped Dreaming

Chapter Three

By GirlX2

OOOOooooOOOO

"What do we do now?"

The two men were sitting on House's pile of clothing. There was nothing in either heap that was remotely usable as clothing, but they had bigger problems. After quick observation, Wilson found himself at about two feet high and House a hair taller. The bottle was now the size of a wine jug, and it rested a few feet away (Wilson had managed to set it down as he'd shrunk).

"We could use that door now." House suggested. "We could go into the garden."

"_Naked_? Naked and _tiny_?"

"You'd rather stay here?"

Wilson groaned and buried his face in his hand. "I'd rather wake up."

"I don't think we're dreaming. For one thing we're both here, and for another," House grimaced "my leg hurts. It never hurts in my dreams. Coma fantasies, yes, but not dreams"

Wilson looked up. "Okay. Let's say your right. Then what's going on? How is this possible?"

"I don't have the slightest clue. But we won't figure it out here." House rose unsteadily to his feet and limped to the door. Wilson hurried after him and lent him an arm to brace on.

"I'll need to find a cane substitute." House remarked and twisted the doorknob.

It remained still.

"What?" House rattled the door furiously. "It's locked again!"

"It's okay, we've got the key."

"You do. Where is it?"

"It must be in my pocket…" Wilson hurried back to his clothes and began to dig through the folds. He found his shirt pocket, but it was empty of the key. Ditto for his pants.

"I can't find it."

"That's because it's up there." House pointed skyward.

Wilson's eyes climbed upward, resting on the glass table. Through the clear top, he could see the golden key in the center of the round.

"Oh no, no! I-I must have left it there when I picked up the bottle." Wilson cried out.

"Well, get it!"

"How?" Wilson took a few jumps at the table top. He could grasp the table's edge, but he couldn't gain enough leverage to reach the key. "I don't believe this!"

"Idiot!" House growled. "I hand you one thing and you manager to screw us over!"

"Oh, yeah, you've been _so_ helpful. If you hadn't drunk that stuff we'd still be our normal size!" Wilson shot angrily.

The two men glared at each other for a moment.

"Well, we've got to get it; that door is our only way out now."

"I could try to boost you." Wilson said doubtfully. With House's leg, it wasn't likely they'd reach the key that way.

House limped to the table and began to study it. "Maybe there's a crack, or-hey!"

He bent down and scooped something up. Wilson saw it was a small glass topped box. Inside, a small squares cake with white frosting and the legend 'Eat me'.

"Where did that come from?"

"Probably the same place where these did."

On the word 'these' House reached down again and picked up a white linen shirt that was their size. More garments lay scattered all around. After a few hasty minutes the two were dressed, albeit strangely. They both wore long-sleeved white linen shirt and dark breeches. House had even found small black cane amongst the garments (they tried to hook the key with this, but couldn't manage).

"I can't believe this." Wilson marveled.

"Whoever made these wanted to make this process easier on us." House remarked. "It's probably the same person who's left the rest of these 'gifts'."

"Like the cake."

"Like everything. Somebody is leading the way for us. I just wish I knew where."

Wilson studied the cake for a moment. "So, does that mean we're going to try this stuff?"

"Yeah, it does. Have at it."

"What? Why me?"

"Because, I tried the bottle first." House said. "It's only fair. And with any luck it'll make you tall enough to reach the key."

"What if it doesn't? What if it shrinks me again?" Wilson demanded.

"Then you'll be able to fit under the crack in the door. Either way, it'll get us out of here." House said. "But if you're going to be a wuss about it-"

"No, no, I'll do it." Wilson said hastily. House had put himself in harm's way once already, and Wilson was not about to let him try again.

Wilson took a small bite out of the cake. It wasn't bad: it tasted like generic yellow cake with unusually good frosting. House studied him as the oncologist tried anxiously to figure out what was about to happen.

"Maybe it's just a regular cake." He said after a minute.

"I wouldn't bet on it. Nothing else has been normal so far, why start now?"

"Good point." Wilson inspected the cake. "Maybe I should take another bite."

No sooner than he'd said this did Wilson feel a strange sensation wash over him.

"Um…maybe not."

To the oncologists' immense relief, the cake was making him grow, albeit slowly. House studied him, obviously amazed, as he was soon able to reach the top of the table and get the key.

"I told you it'd work." He smirked

"Yeah. I hope there's something left in that bottle, though." Wilson handed the key down to House. He wasn't close to his right size, but he was already a good deal taller than his friend. The clothes he'd put on were stretching, thankfully.

"At this size, I-I-I-" Wilson began to stammer as the growth suddenly sped up. His head struck the ceiling forcefully, sending the man onto his knees.

"Ow!" Wilson clutched the top of his head, feeling the beginning of a lump under his fingers. "What…?"

The room around him seemed to have doll-like proportions now.

"Oh my God." Wilson gasped. "I'm-I'm huge!"

The room closed in on him uncomfortably, making the oncologist feel more than slightly claustrophobic. 'I've got to be at least ten feet tall! Dammit, why did House have to-'

"House…" Wilson scanned the floor for his tiny friend. A moment's search reveled that House had pressed himself against the door, and looked equally amazed.

"You alright?" He shouted up to Wilson.

"Yeah, I think so." Wilson rubbed the tender spot. "Tell me there's some of that shrinking potion left, House."

"Over there." House pointed to the minuscule bottle, still upright under the table. Wilson gingerly picked it up, being careful not to shatter it. A few drops of the drink swished around the glass bottom.

'Please, let this get me back to normal.' He upended the bottle and drank the remaining potion.

A few seconds later found him back at House's level.

"Damn."

"That was incredible." House marveled. "Do you feel alright?"

"Yeah, but I was hoping it'd make me normal again, not shrink me this small."

"Then how would you get out of here?"

"I…have no idea. I just want to be my right size again."

"Well, until we figure out a way to make that happen…" House trailed off as he beckoned Wilson to the open doorway.

The men stepped into the garden, blinking in the bright sunlight. Huge flowers waved over their heads.

"Hey, why don't we just grab the cake and take a little bite, that should-"

*Click*

"Son of a bitch!"

OOOOOoooooOOOO

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Never Stopped Dreaming

Chapter Four

By GirlX2

Author's note: Sorry for the delay-it's a busy time of year for me!

OOOoooOOO

The two men walked through the garden slowly, letting amazement play across their features. Wilson watched a huge dragonfly dart after something that resembled a rocking horse with wings. The dragonfly appeared to shoot a tiny gout of flame into the air as it flew after it's quarry.

"You're sure you didn't slip me something, House?"

"For the third time, yes!"

"I can't believe this. Those flowers are taller than we are." Wilson stopped to look at a huge yellow rose. It's petals were oddly shaped...it almost looked like a face among the pollen.

"Of course they are: we're the size of dolls." House rolled his eyes, but slowed his gait. "They're ordinary flowers, Wilson. We're the oddity."

"You can say that again." A voice spoke up. Wilson turned to House, but the other man was still studying the flower.

"Who was that?"

"Not a who. A what." House said numbly. He was starting pointedly at the flower.

"House, you can't expect me to believe a flower-"

"That's Rose to you." The flower snapped.

Wilson's jaw dropped in shock. The wasn't just a trick of the light: the flower did have a face. And it was currently sneering down at the two men.

"You're alive." House managed after a moment.

"All flowers are alive, silly man." The rose huffed. "But most are too sleepy to talk, at least to the likes of you."

"Now Rose, be nice." A red tulip scolded the snobbish plant. "She thinks she's queen of the garden, pay her no mind."

'Uh...okay." Wilson managed. He cast a desperate look at House, who simply shrugged.

"Um...I don't suppose you could tell us where some other humans are?" Wilson continued tentatively.

"We don't exactly go out much." The Rose replied. "The only people we see pass by on their way to someplace else."

"Just follow the path-it leads out of the garden." The Tulip added.

"Thanks." Wilson tried not to race away-House wouldn't be able to keep up if he did.

"We've gone crazy." He said under his breath as he and House got out of earshot of the flowers. "Totally and completely insane. It's the only explanation."

"I don't think so." House counters. "This place looks like an acid trip, but it doesn't feel like one. It feels...well, real."

"Says the man who spent almost a solid year hallucinating." Wilson replied.

"If it was a hallucination we wouldn't both be here." House said.

"So if it is real, why aren't you freaked out?"

"I'm actually terrified."

Wilson turned to him, ready to fire off a retort, when he saw the look in House's eyes. His friend was dead serious.

"If this is real, everything we know about reality doesn't apply, at least here. That scares the shit out of me." House said quietly. "But panicking won't help."

Wilson found himself reaching out and touching House's shoulder. "Well. At least we're together."

"Yeah. There is that."

OOOoooOOO

Alice watched as the Hatter paced through the throne room. The White Queen sat on her left, quietly observing the man.

"Nivens should have been back by now, he knows the way better than anyone else!"

"I'm sure the white rabbit is fine." The queen said softly. "It's probably the doctors: they'll need convincing to follow him.

"I wish there was another way. I don't like having to bring others here." Alice struggled to her feet and slowly made her way to the Hatter.

"Tarrent, please stop pacing. It makes me nervous."

"Perhaps I should send Mallymkun after him. She's been so looking for an adventure."

"She has her paws full looking after the March Hare." Alice replied. "He'll come, Hatter."

The Hatter turned to Alice, eyes blazing.

"Suppose those doctors are giving him trouble. P'haps I need to go and see for myself." The harsh Scottish accent hit Alice like a slap.

"Hatter!"

"...I'm fine."

"Of course." Alice made her way back to her chair and all but collapsed.

"My dear, why don't you take a short respite. I'll keep a watch on…well everything." The queen offered.

"Thank you your majesty, but no. I've been doing nothing but rest. I feel I shall go mad if I have much more of it."

The queen nodded, the smile dissipating. "As you wish, Alice."

The door to the throne room was flung open. A pawn marched in, carrying a red and white bundle in it's arms.

"Majesty! We found him in the courtyard...like this."

The queen hurried from her throne. Blinking weakly at her was a bruised, bloody (but still mostly white) rabbit.

"Oh, my goodness. Nivens, what-"

"It was her, your majesty. She's-She's found a way back from the wastelands. Stayn ambushed me outside the flower gardens, and I…I…" The rabbit coughed weakly.

"Quickly, follow me into the kitchen. We'll get you sorted out right now." The queen flashed an insincerely cheery smile. "Everything's going to be alright."

"I…hope so." The rabbit's eyes slid shut.

The pawn hurried after the queen as she departed for her potions chamber, leaving Alice and the Hatter alone.

"Tarrent-"

"Yes, I heard. I'm mad, not deaf."

Alice wanted to go to him, but the strength has fled from her legs.

"It's not a coincidence that the Red Queen has chosen now to strike. She's done this to me, somehow. She wants me weak and helpless."

"The doctors from Overland may still prove useful. They might be able to help you." The Hatter went to her. "We'll take care of this, Alice. You've beaten her once, and now without the Jabberwocky-"

"Hatter-please take me to my room." Alice's eyes slid closed. "I…feel tired."

"Of course." The Hatter scooped the girl into his arms and carried her from the room. "Whatever you wish."

OOOoooOOO

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Never Stopped Dreaming

Chapter Five

By GirlX2

OOOoooOOO

"Now what do we do?"

The two men had come to the end of the stone path. The stones petered out into a dirt path that vanished into the woods surrounding the garden.

"Do we keep going?"

"Yes, unless you have a better suggestion." House limped on.

"I don't like doing this when we're this small. Who knows what kind of things are in these woods. Even regular animals could be dangerous." Wilson said grimly, matching his pace to the older man's. Gigantic flora toward over them, but none had spoke, thank God. No sign of any fauna as of yet.

"Yeah, those flowers looked like real killers. Did the rose even have thorns?"

"Okay, if it's not dangerous out here, where did that come from?" Wilson spotted what looked like fresh bloodstains seeping into the ground.

"So a squirrel got eaten." House shrugged, but slowed his pace slightly. "We'll…keep a lookout. Just in case."

"Good idea."

The two went on at an ever-slowing pace. House wasn't used to walking so far over bumpy ground, and Wilson was tired from work. Night was falling fast as the two chose to stop in a deserted looking stretch of soft grass.

"I don't know anything about wilderness survival." Wilson said.

"Leaves of three, let it be." House rolled his eyes. "It's warm out, and there's a brook and what appear to be strawberry bushes and some other stuff right over there. We should be fine until morning."

"Yeah. Sleeping on the ground will be great for your leg. Do you have any ibuprofen?"

"No. Not that it'd do me much good: those pills would be way too big to swallow right now."

"How's your leg?" Wilson asked, concerned.

"Not that bad, actually. It hurts, but not much worse than if I had the drug." House frowned pensively. "Maybe our mysterious gift-leaver thought of that too."

"Well, whoever it was seems to have deserted us." Wilson wandered over to the brook and scooped up a handful of water, hoping it wouldn't make him sick. The water was cool and tasted clean, anyway. Wilson stopped for a moment and grabbed a few strawberries off the nearby bush. Or what looked like strawberries: they were easily the size of hand fruit.

'Of course that's because we're so small.' Wilson thought. The towering trees were one thing, but if they were to run into anything with the ability to move itself…

Well, they'd just have to hope it was friendly. Wilson joined House, who had settled into the thick grass.

"You're willing to try those things after what's happened?" House eyed the fruit greedily.

"These look normal and they don't say 'eat me'." Wilson handed House a strawberry. "So, yeah. We can't just sit here and starve."

"Good point." House bit into the fruit. Wilson nibbled at his own strawberry. He really didn't like the idea of sleeping outside, but they didn't have a choice.

"I'm still hungry." House announced after they'd finished the fruit. He looked pitifully at Wilson. "Get me another one?"

Wilson rolled his eyes, but got up. "I swear, if you weren't crippled you'd still be pulling this crap on me."

"Yeah, but now you _really _can't say no." House grinned.

Wilson just shook his head, chuckling to himself. He foraged into the bush, looking for smaller fruit: his own appetite was nearly sated.

That was when he spotted the mushroom.

It was a large yellow spotted thing, probably about eight inches high. To Wilson's unease, a small scrap of paper was tied around it's stem. He gingerly untied it and read it.

"Oh boy…House, you'd better see this." He called over his shoulder.

"What is it?"

"I found another note."

Wilson could hear House scramble in the grass, trying to hurry over. "What's it say?"

"One side will make you grow larger-the other will make you grow shorter." Wilson read.

"That's just stupid-you can't grow shorter." House snorted. "What was it attached to?"

"A mushroom." Wilson pointed out the large fungus. House inspected it for a moment before reaching down and tearing off a small piece, then ripping it in half.

"You wouldn't."

"You're the one complaining about being so small." House pointed out, offering the oncologist a bit. "So take a bite."

"What if it's from the side that'll make us shrink?" Wilson held the piece gingerly.

"Then we'll try the other side." House replied. "Do you really want to spend the whole night this size?"

"I'd rather spend it this size than get shrunk again."

"Wuss." House responded, popping his own piece into his mouth.

"House!"

"Oh, what's the worst that could-ooh." House blanched slightly. "You don't think that mushroom is poisonous, do you?"

"It shouldn't work that fast if it was." Wilson said worriedly. "You're probably just going to change size-that made me feel sick too."

"I should really stop eating things we find laying around." House groaned and sat down.

Wilson watched as House began to grow. The Diagnostician slowly expanded until he reached his proper height, the clothes they'd found stretching admirably over his frame.

"Told ya." House grinned down at his friend.

"Okay, so you were right." Wilson anxiously chewed his piece. "That's good."

"Yeah. We're in a place where reality is a suggestion, but at least we'll be taller." House rolled his eyes.

"At least it's one thing less to worry about." Wilson felt his stomach contract uncomfortably. "That _really _feels weird."

"Is it like a sneeze, but better?"

Wilson rolled his eyes. "No, but I do feel a little sick. I guess that's to be expected."

"Well, there's nothing remotely like...Wilson!"

Whatever joke House was in the process of making was curtailed by his horrified shout. To Wilson's own horror, his friend seemed to shoot even further upwards. Wilson gave out a cry of his own; House wasn't growing-the oncologist was shrinking!

"House!" Wilson's shout was drawn out as he collapsed into his clothing (again). "Damn it, how did you do that?"  
"I didn't do it on purpose!" House's voice thundered from above. "You saw me tear the mushroom!"

The cloth was lifted away, and Wilson found himself staring at an utterly gigantic House. His friend looked equally horrified. The mushroom toward above Wilson's head-he was less than half it's size.

"You're telling me you managed to rip it right down the line?"

"Do you have a better explanation? The mushroom isn't marked!"

Wilson buried his face in his hands. "I'm three inches tall. I don't believe this."

"Here, I'll fix it." House tore another piece off the mushroom. "I'll try this, and if it makes me shrink we'll know which side is which."

"And if it makes you grow you'll squish me, the mushroom, and everything else in the vicinity."

"…Maybe." House murmured. "But you can't try it. It could shrink you down to nothing. You could go out like a candle."

"It's still safer than letting you do it." Wilson sighed. "Hand it to me, House."

"No." House popped the fungus into his mouth. He scooped Wilson into one hand. "Now just be quiet for a minute until I figure out which way this thing is going to send me."

"I just hope you didn't eat too much. Although, the amount of stuff eaten seems to have little bearing on how much you change size." Wilson puzzled over this. "It's actually quite interesting."

"Shit. What if it makes me too small to reach the mushroom?"

"Or makes you too big to find it?"

The two let this sink in for a moment. House hurriedly reached down, tore off a piece from the opposite side, and gave it to Wilson.

"Just in case."

"Good idea."

OOOoooOOO

To be continued...


End file.
